When You Mess Up: How to Move Forward Without Staying Stuck
Mortification is a massive part of leadership.
Whether your leadership role is in your home, your workplace, or beyond, people are watching. And as Christians, we are often under a level of scrutiny that feels heavy and constant.
How do we walk through fires in life? How do we deal with frustration, lose our tempers, face addictions, shortcomings, and failures? The scenarios are endless, moments where others are watching. And whether we want to admit it or not, they are looking to us to see who Jesus Christ is… or at least to watch us fail.
So the question isn’t whether or not we are leading someone.
The real question is: what are we leading them toward, and is it worthwhile?
And even when we choose to pick up that mantle, that responsibility, we still mess up. Sometimes in very public ways. Sometimes in ways that leave us mortified at our own actions. Sometimes accidental. Sometimes intentional. Sometimes deeply hurtful, until we stop and realize the damage that’s been done.
For me personally, I’m no stranger to embarrassment.
In many cases, it’s not intentional failure; it’s things that slip through the cracks. Missed appointments. Texts that go unanswered for weeks because they slipped my mind. But then there are the bigger failures, the ones everyone else gets to see.
Being a pastor is a lot like living in a fishbowl. And when there’s something wrong in the water, everyone notices, and everyone has something to say about it.
I’ve grieved my sister’s loss in front of hundreds of people.
I walked through a divorce while pastoring a church of several hundred people and was well-known in the community. I’ve been stopped in Walmart and told how evil I was, because, of course, it happened at Walmart.
From that, and too many other situations to list- I’ve learned a few things.
1. Thick Skin Is Not Optional
If you are going to put yourself out there and lead in any capacity, someone will have a problem with you.
Most likely, multiple people will.
And often, they will be people who don’t fully understand what’s actually going on—but know just enough to say something that stings.
If I’m honest, that’s frustrating. Because sometimes these are people who contribute nothing to your life, yet their words still hurt. And that can make you even more upset.
So you have to learn to prioritize who you listen to and who you work for.
Pick five people. Five voices that truly matter.
Make sure they are mature, close to you, and trustworthy. Don’t give this privilege to just anyone. Choose people who know you, who love you, and who are willing to speak truth into your life.
Then remember who you are ultimately leading for: Christ first, Family second, Friends and those who don’t know Christ next.
When you align who you listen to and who you’re doing this for, the hard days don’t necessarily get easier, but they do gain purpose.
2. Approval Is a Trap You Can’t Win
Working for the approval of others while leading is a battle you will never win.
It’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of doing what you do because it feels good to be needed… and praised.
I’ll be honest, there’s real joy and fulfillment in providing value to others. There’s something deeply satisfying about helping people, leading well, and seeing impact.
But that can’t be your driving force.
Because there will always come a moment when you do something people don’t like, and they will leave. Often loudly. Sometimes angrily.
Take joy, even healthy pride, in leading and serving well.
But don’t let feedback define you.
Christ should define you.
At the end of the day, when my life is over, I want to stand before Jesus and, God willing, hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
That hope drives me. It gives me purpose. It pushes me forward.
And yes, there are people who believe that will never be said about me. Some with reasons. Some without knowing the full story.
But that’s okay. They are not my audience. Jesus Christ is.
And when that perspective shifts, everything changes.
3. Bravery Is Not Optional
Whether your leadership role is parenting, pastoring, or leading in a boardroom, you will fail publicly at some point.
Why?
Because leadership requires risk.
And risk is necessary. Pushing limits is good, and stepping out in faith is essential. But sometimes, it will go badly. It takes real bravery to take those risks, knowing you might fail, and to choose to do it anyway.
One of the best ways to build that bravery is to remember your wins. Not to inflate your ego, but to remind yourself that failure isn’t the full story.
Final Thought
Time heals more than we think. What feels like a massive, overwhelming failure right now, one year from now, most people won’t even remember.
So don’t give up.
Don’t shrink back.
Don’t let failure convince you to stop leading.
Because mistakes will happen.
But they don’t have to define you.
They can refine you.
And if you keep moving forward, God can still use every part of your story, even the parts you wish never happened.
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