Is sex good? Who should have it? How should they do “it”?

Even in my lifetime, and I’m only 39, the conversation around sex has changed dramatically. Honestly, it changes so fast now that just keeping up with the terminology can feel exhausting. Every few months, there seems to be a new phrase, identity, preference, or cultural conversation surrounding sexuality, gender, relationships, or attraction.

And on top of all of that, sex is everywhere.

It’s in music, movies, podcasts, social media, commercials, friend groups, TV shows… everywhere you turn, somebody is talking about sex, redefining sex, or trying to sell you something using sex. Our kids are growing up in a world where they are constantly inundated with sexual content from the time they can hold an iPad until the day they die.

So why does our culture obsess over sex so much?

Honestly, I think there are a few reasons, and I think we need to be willing to say them out loud.

First, and let’s just be honest here, sex is amazing.

There are probably some church people already uncomfortable with me saying that, but it’s true. Sex isn’t just “kind of enjoyable.” When experienced the way God intended, it can be one of the most powerful, intimate, joyful experiences human beings can have. The church has spent so much time whispering about sex, avoiding sex, or acting embarrassed by sex that we accidentally handed the conversation over to culture.

And culture gladly picked it up.

The problem is that when the church stays silent about something God created, the world will define it for us instead. That’s exactly what happened here.

For a long time, many of us grew up hearing messages like:

“Sex is bad.”
“Don’t do it.”
“Don’t talk about it.”

Now, thankfully, my parents weren’t like that, but I absolutely heard it in church culture growing up. The message often felt less like “Sex is sacred” and more like “Sex is gross until your wedding night, then suddenly figure it out.” That approach has not served people well.

The truth is, sex was God’s idea. Before sin entered the world, sex already existed. God created it. God designed it. God called it good. In Genesis, Adam and Eve are naked and unashamed. No guilt. No fear. No awkwardness. Just intimacy, connection, joy, and trust.

The Bible even contains an entire book—Song of Solomon—that celebrates love, attraction, desire, and intimacy. God is not embarrassed by sex. We are.

And honestly? Some of us could probably use a healthier perspective on it. I’ve met some of you 😄. A little less stress and a little more joy might help.

But there’s another reason sex dominates culture: because sex sells.

Hollywood is not putting sex into movies because they care deeply about your emotional well-being. Porn companies are not trying to help you flourish as a human being. They’re businesses. Sex grabs attention. It creates controversy. It keeps people engaged. It makes money. A lot of money.

The pornography industry alone generates tens of billions of dollars annually worldwide. Some estimates put it well over $100 billion globally. That’s staggering. And it proves something important: sex is one of the most marketable things on the planet.

There’s also the reality that sex can become incredibly addictive because it combines two powerful human desires at the same time: physical pleasure and emotional connection. In a culture where instant gratification is king and real connection is becoming harder to find, that combination becomes incredibly powerful.

And this is exactly why Christians need to stop avoiding conversations about sex with our kids.

Because if we don’t teach them what good, healthy, God-designed sexuality looks like, culture absolutely will. Your children are going to learn about sex somewhere. The average age of exposure to pornography is alarmingly young; some studies estimate it to be around 8 years old. So if you think your child is “too young” to encounter sexual content, unfortunately, our culture has already decided otherwise.

That means we have to engage in this conversation honestly instead of fearfully.

And finally, sex has always been tied to power and control.

That’s uncomfortable to admit, but it’s true. Throughout history, sex has been used to manipulate, pressure, influence, shame, reward, and control people. It affects men and women differently, and it impacts people deeply depending on their experiences and wounds. Which is exactly why this conversation matters so much. And honestly, I think the church should be leading the conversation, not hiding from it.

So, Why Hasn’t the Church Talked About This Well?

To be fair, the church has talked about sex. But often it has been talked about poorly.

The message many people heard growing up wasn’t “Sex is a gift from God.” It was more like, “Sex is dangerous, dirty, and bad.” Then, suddenly, people get married and are expected to magically flip a switch and have a healthy sex life.

That confusion has hurt a lot of people. When the church avoids honest conversations about sexuality, culture fills the silence. And when culture becomes the primary teacher, people often learn things in the wrong order. They learn pleasure before responsibility. They learn chemistry before the covenant. They learn desire before wisdom.

Many people discover how exciting sex can be before understanding things like emotional consequences, sexually transmitted diseases, pregnancy, the power of attachment, and, most importantly, God’s purpose for it inside marriage. God didn’t create boundaries because He hates pleasure. He created boundaries because He understands human beings better than we do. His design isn’t random. It protects intimacy, trust, emotional health, stability, and connection.

And when sex happens inside God’s design, it becomes something incredible.

What If We Got This Right?

What if the church became the safest place to have honest conversations about sex?

What if instead of shame, we led with truth and grace? What if we stopped acting embarrassed by something God Himself created?

The truth is that sex, as God designed it, is one of His greatest gifts. You see that all throughout Scripture. In Genesis, God tells humanity to be fruitful and multiply. In Song of Solomon, intimacy and desire are celebrated openly. In the New Testament, marriage intimacy is honored and protected. God created sex. He designed it. And He called it good.

But throughout the Bible, we also see another pattern: When sexuality is practiced within God’s design, it brings life. When it moves outside His design, it eventually brings pain. You can see it in the story of Abraham and multiple wives. You can see it throughout Israel’s history. Sexual brokenness always leaves damage behind. That’s not because God is cruel. It’s because sin always takes good things and distorts them.

And that brings us to an important point before we go any further.

Before We Continue…

I need you to hear my heart clearly. This blog is not about shaming anyone. It’s not about condemning people. It’s not about creating an “us vs them” mentality. This is about truth, clarity, freedom, and God’s design for human flourishing. At Passion Church, we are for people. All people. No matter your story. No matter your past. No matter what struggles you carry. You are welcome here.

If something in this blog challenges you, please understand that the challenge is not rejection. Disagreement is not hatred. And conviction is not condemnation.

You are still loved. You are still wanted. You are still valuable.

You are a child of God.

And He has a plan and purpose for your life that is bigger than you can imagine.

Sex Is Sacred, Not Shameful

Before sin entered the world, sex already existed. Think about that for a moment. God created it before brokenness ever showed up. Sex was never meant to be dirty or shameful. It was designed to be joyful, intimate, unifying, and life-giving.

Within marriage, sex is not merely tolerated by God; it’s celebrated.

The Bible encourages husbands and wives to pursue intimacy with one another, enjoy one another, and not withhold from each other. Sex in marriage becomes a physical expression of covenant love.

And honestly, I think married Christians need to hear this more often: God does not merely “allow” sex in marriage. He blesses it. So many people carry guilt into the marriage bed because of years of hearing silence or shame around sexuality. But within a healthy marriage between a husband and wife, sex is a gift.

It’s meant to be:

• safe
• loving
• mutual
• enjoyable
• deeply connecting

And yes, within that covenant relationship, there is tremendous freedom. I’ll say it this way without getting too graphic: married couples should enjoy one another...AKA get a little freaky. Explore together. Laugh together. Learn together. Build intimacy together.

What happens in your marriage stays in your marriage.

That’s not something to feel guilty about. That’s something to thank God for.

When Sex Moves Outside God’s Design

If sex is so good, then why does it also create so much pain? Because sin didn’t create sex. It distorted it. Throughout Scripture, we see the same pattern over and over again: when sexuality moves outside God’s design, brokenness follows.

God’s design for sex according to Scripture is clear: One man. One woman. Within marriage.

Not because God wants to control people, but because He wants to protect them.

God’s boundaries are not there to restrict joy. They’re there to preserve it. And when we talk about sexual brokenness, we need to be honest that this includes far more than just one category of people.

This includes:

• pornography
• affairs
• casual sex
• premarital sex
• same-sex sexual relationships
• abusive or manipulative sexual behavior
• and any sexual activity outside God’s design

This conversation is not about pointing fingers at one group. It’s about recognizing that all of humanity wrestles with brokenness. Every single one of us. We all carry desires, temptations, wounds, and struggles that don’t fully align with God’s design.

And Scripture has never hidden that reality. The Bible is incredibly honest about human brokenness. Just look at Lot’s family story in the Old Testament. It’s disturbing and messy. Yet even there, God is still working.

That teaches us something important: Brokenness does not remove someone from God’s reach. But brokenness still carries consequences. Sin is often misunderstood. At its core, sin simply means missing the mark God established.

And God established that mark for our protection. When we step outside His design, it doesn’t merely “break a rule.” It damages trust, intimacy, identity, and often people. The consequences are real. Sexual brokenness can lead to emotional wounds, shame, fractured relationships, confusion, addiction, insecurity, and long-term pain. Sometimes those consequences are visible. Sometimes they remain hidden for years. But they matter.

As a dad of two daughters and a son, I think about this constantly. I think about the culture they’re growing up in and the messages constantly being thrown at them. And I’ve counseled enough people to know sexual brokenness leaves scars. Real ones. Which is why we need to understand something incredibly important: God’s design is not a prison. It’s protection. He’s not against you. He loves you. You are His masterpiece, and His boundaries come from love.

Same-Sex Attraction — Truth & Grace

This next topic is incredibly sensitive in our culture, so I want to approach it carefully and honestly.

I’ve heard a lot of things said in church environments over the years regarding same-sex attraction. Things like, “It’s fake,” “It’s just a choice,” or “It’s not a real struggle.” Personally, I don’t think those statements are helpful, compassionate, or even honest.

Same-sex attraction is real.

And I also know many people in the LGBTQ+ community have been deeply hurt by the church. Some have been mocked, rejected, pushed away, or treated as enemies rather than human beings.

So before I say anything else, hear this clearly: my goal is not to shame you, attack you, or alienate you. My responsibility as a pastor is to hold to what Scripture teaches while also loving people well. I believe both truth and grace matter deeply.

So let’s clarify something immediately.

Experiencing attraction toward the same sex is not itself a sin. It does not make someone unforgivable, remove them from God’s love, or automatically send them to hell.

But Scripture also teaches that sexual activity is designed for marriage between a man and a woman. That means any sexual activity outside of that design—whether heterosexual or homosexual—falls outside God’s intended plan. And that matters because this conversation is not about singling out one group of people. If same-sex sexual sin condemns someone, then so would pornography, affairs, adultery, and every other form of sexual immorality. The ground is level. Every single one of us is called to surrender our desires to Jesus. That’s the human condition.

I want to be personal here because I think honesty matters. For me, casual sex and multiple partners were never major temptations because sex has always been deeply emotional for me. But pornography? That was a real battle. I was exposed to it at an extremely young age, around 8 years old, and it became something I wrestled with for years.

By God’s grace, I’ve experienced freedom from that addiction, but it didn’t happen overnight. Freedom came through accountability, habit change, prayer, worship, Scripture, honest conversations, and learning to run from temptation rather than play with it.

I share that because I want people to understand this: You are not the only person fighting something. We all have desires that need to be surrendered to Christ.

So what does life look like for someone experiencing same-sex attraction who wants to follow Jesus? Honestly, I don’t pretend to have every answer. But I’ve seen different paths people have walked faithfully.

Some pursue celibacy while building deep, meaningful friendships and community.

Some pursue non-sexual companionship and emotional connection. Others, though less commonly, marry someone of the opposite sex and build healthy marriages together.

One example is Guy Hammond, who openly talks about his experience with same-sex attraction while remaining committed to his marriage and faith. His story isn’t about pretending the struggle disappeared. It’s about following Jesus in the middle of it.

Are these paths easy? No.

But following Jesus has always involved surrender. And what I want people to hear most clearly is this: You do not have to walk this journey alone. At Passion Church, we want to walk beside people, not stand above them. Truth matters. Grace matters. And people matter.

Identity, Gender & Finding Who You Really Are

This next conversation is deeply personal for many people, and before saying anything else, I want to acknowledge that gender dysphoria is not something people simply invent for attention. It’s not something to mock or laugh about.

There are real people carrying real pain, confusion, and internal struggle.

And if that’s part of your story, I want you to hear me clearly: You are not crazy. You are not beyond hope. And you are not alone. There are also real biological complexities that often get ignored in public conversations. There are medical conditions known as intersex conditions or disorders of sexual development that affect chromosomes, hormones, or physical development.

Conditions like:

• Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome
• Klinefelter Syndrome
• Turner Syndrome
• Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia
• and others

These situations are real and complicated.

And while statistically uncommon, they still represent real people made in the image of God who deserve compassion and dignity.

One of the biggest problems in our culture right now is that we often judge people before trying to understand them. We reduce people to political categories, assume motives, and attack before listening.

But followers of Jesus should be different.

When I’ve had conversations with people walking through gender dysphoria, it’s been deeply eye-opening. These struggles are often painful and emotionally exhausting.

And we need to remember something important: We are not talking about enemies. We are talking about human beings made in the image of God. At the same time, Scripture teaches that God created humanity male and female with intention. And even beyond gender, the Bible points us toward something even deeper: Our ultimate identity is not found in sexuality, feelings, attraction, gender, politics, achievements, or anything else.

Our deepest identity is found in Christ.

Now that doesn’t magically erase struggles, but it does anchor us in something stable.

Culture often says:
“Look inward.”
“Define yourself.”
“Be whatever feels true.”

But feelings change. And when identity is built only on feelings, people often end up feeling more unstable, confused, and pressured. Feelings are real, but they are not always reliable guides. Every single one of us has desires and feelings that need to be surrendered to God. That’s not unique to one group of people. That’s humanity. So what does the path forward look like?

I don’t pretend to have simple answers, but I have seen some things consistently help:

• strong community
• healthy counseling
• taking time instead of rushing major decisions
• anchoring identity in Christ above everything else

At Passion Church, we will hold to Scripture while also walking beside people compassionately.

We’ll laugh with you, cry with you, pray with you, and pursue Jesus with you because God loves people deeply, and so should we.

Pornography — The Hidden Struggle

For many people, the biggest battle in their lives isn’t public. It’s private.

Pornography is one of the most widespread and normalized struggles in modern culture, including inside the church.

And let’s just be honest for a minute: many times, we focus on visible sins because they’re easier to point at while quietly ignoring the hidden ones we can conceal.

Porn is one of the easiest sins to hide.

It’s available almost anywhere there’s internet access, and the statistics surrounding it are staggering. Most people are exposed to pornography at shockingly young ages. Many men struggle with it. Many women struggle with it. Studies consistently show that pornography use inside the church is far more common than most Christians want to admit.

This isn’t a fringe issue. It’s a quiet epidemic. And while porn may initially feel exciting or harmless, over time, it deeply affects how people view intimacy, relationships, and even other human beings. It teaches people to consume rather than connect and to objectify rather than honor. It often creates unrealistic expectations around intimacy and relationships.

Now, I want to be balanced here. I’m not saying pornography automatically turns someone into a predator or violent offender, but it absolutely can become a gateway.

Sin rarely stays small.

Porn can lead people toward deeper addiction, increasingly extreme content, emotional disconnection, relational damage, and unhealthy sexual patterns. I hear people say sometimes, “I watch porn because my spouse isn’t fulfilling my needs.” Let’s talk about that honestly.

Inside a healthy marriage, sex is meant to be explored, enjoyed, and cultivated together. Married couples should communicate, learn together, and enjoy one another. Within the boundaries of love, mutual respect, consent, and honoring God, there is tremendous freedom.

Honestly? Married couples should have fun together. Don’t feel guilty about intimacy God Himself created. But pornography is not the answer because porn replaces real intimacy with artificial stimulation, and eventually it isolates instead of connecting.

Let me talk to the men for a moment.

Guys, I understand testosterone is real. Desire is real. But we are not animals. “I can’t help it” is not biblical. Self-control is part of maturity, discipleship, and becoming the man God called you to be. And ladies, this applies to you too.

So what actually helps?

First, control your eyes. What you constantly look at shapes your mind.

Second, control your environment. If your phone constantly leads you into temptation, change something. Use accountability software, set boundaries, and simplify your access. That’s not a weakness. That’s wisdom.

Third, replace bad inputs with good ones. Spend time in God’s Word, pray, worship, serve, get in community, go to the gym, and pursue purpose.

And finally, bring your struggle into the light. Porn grows in secrecy, but freedom begins with honesty. Yes, vulnerability is scary, but healing rarely happens in hiding. Find someone trustworthy, build accountability, and stop fighting alone. Because the cycle can be broken. Temptation. Giving in. Temporary relief. Shame. Isolation. Repeat. That cycle is not permanent.

But you have to stop expecting change while repeating the same patterns. One definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results. If you want to change your life, you must first change your thinking and then your habits. And remember this: You do not defeat lust simply by trying harder. You defeat it by bringing darkness into the light.

Grace is real. And freedom is possible.

Premarital Sex — Why Wait?

This is another area where culture and Scripture collide directly.

Casual sex has become incredibly normalized.

Culture says:
“Everyone’s doing it.”
“If you love each other, it’s fine.”
“You should test compatibility first.”

But Scripture says: Wait.

Many people hear that and immediately think God is trying to keep them from something enjoyable. But what if waiting is actually protecting something better? As a dad, this conversation hits differently for me. One thing I’ve noticed over the years is that men and women often approach sex very differently. Not always, but often. Many young women see sex as a connection, acceptance, emotional intimacy, and love. Meanwhile, many young men primarily see it as a physical release and are willing to say or do almost anything to get it.

Ladies, please hear me clearly: If a man loses interest in you because you won’t sleep with him, he was never truly pursuing you.

You are worth far more than your body. You are a daughter of God, and you deserve genuine love, respect, commitment, and emotional connection. And gentlemen, women are worth more than physical gratification. Self-control is not weakness. Its strength.

And yes, sex outside God’s design has real consequences. There are emotional consequences. Physical consequences. Relational consequences. Also… babies are still a thing 😄. Children are never curses, but they absolutely change the course of your life. This conversation isn’t meant to scare people. It’s meant to help people. And if you’re reading this thinking: “Well I’ve already crossed those lines…”

Hear me clearly: It is not too late.

You can make different decisions moving forward. You can reset your standards, pursue healthier relationships, and God’s grace is still available.

I also want to address the “test drive” argument.

People often say: “You should try the car before you buy it.”

I hate that analogy. Your future spouse is not a product. They are not something to be evaluated and discarded. They are your future partner in life. And the truth is, sex is not what occupies the majority of marriages anyway.

Marriage is:

• communication
• friendship
• sacrifice
• teamwork
• emotional connection
• building a life together

Figure out compatibility there first. And here’s something important: Sex can be learned. Character cannot.

Why not learn intimacy together with your spouse? Why not grow together, explore together, laugh together, and build something rooted in safety and trust instead of comparison and pressure? That’s where freedom exists.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, this entire conversation is really about trust.

Do we trust God’s design? Do we trust His wisdom? Do we believe His boundaries come from love?

Following Jesus is not just about believing certain things intellectually. It’s about trusting Him enough to surrender every part of our lives, including our sexuality. And no matter your story, your struggles, your past, or your questions, I want you to hear this clearly: You are invited into something better. Not shame. Not condemnation. But freedom. Real freedom.

At Passion Church, we are committed to standing on truth while leading with grace. We will walk with people. We will love people. We will pursue Jesus together. You are not too far gone. You are not disqualified. And you are not alone.

You are loved by God, and His plan for your life is better than you realize.